We are all at the end of this beautiful year. Also, the interesting fact about this year in Google is, the most searched term is, “India vs South Africa” in 2019. My most searched term is my name itself.
2019 has been the badass year of my life. It taught me a lot of things. It helped me to understand life. All it started with a bang of happiness with the most loved person of my life. I never thought that the person will not be with me while I am writing this article. We are separated for good. It has been the most painful moment of my life. Losing the person who I cared and loved the most in my life more than my parents, family members and devoted my complete self to the purest form of relationship called friendship. Few days before I sent that emotion to orbit out of my reach.
To explain my life in this article that I lived this year, you may need to join my journey here. This year has also invoked me to write a book called “Dummy District of Pain.” It is a story-based book and also this would be my first book when it publishes. I started this year with a party that I can remember for my whole life. I just wanted to celebrate the new year with my best friend and the most loved person of my life but, she disagreed and called one of our friends to join both of us.
Either way, the day was well spent and this was the best new year day I have ever had in my life. As this year continued, I earned the job of my own to survive. I and my best friend lived together and worked hard to get out of our survival problem. We didn’t have any sort of freedom to spend money with the ever-increasing debts.
After 3 months of the struggle, I came back from Mumbai to stay with my friend. We continued the journey and halfway through, she chose to go out of my life by finding herself someone to love. I was heart broke. After 3 years spent together, she decided to go away. This was the most painful moment of my life. Every day we lived together by not staying apart even for an hour. When the time came life took a new turn. She decided to go away literally. Technically she was present but when she choose someone, it made me uncomfortable to be with her and to love her in the same way that I use to live. Trust was broken and I got disappointed. I had nowhere to go and was just surviving my life hanging on to the last hope.
This made me homeless and I stayed in bus stops without food. I met with an accident and I was completely unfit to walk distances but still, I walked and held on to the hope that one day help may come. In my work, I was a failure and I had no place to switch on the laptop to work on when I was assigned to work. For being so honest and truthful, I nearly faced treason. That was agony.
One more painful moment is that I had no decent clothes to wear when I insisted to attend a client place. I had to lie to my manager that I am well even though I was homeless. I never told this story to anyone. I suffered hell and again with a glimmer of hope, I was taken back. From the luckiest person on this planet, I became the sorriest person to feel for. I suffered the pain physically and mentally with no one to understand. I was a person who cared for all the people around me but when this happens, my heart broke and made me feel what real life is. Still, my biggest regret is that I fought with my friend so badly that I slapped her and kicked her for doing like this to me — later she did the same and we called it truce though.
Seriously, it was very much painful to leave her. I loved her in every way. I treated her like my kid. We walked like one, we lived like one and earned like one for 3 years.
This incident made me strong inside. I went to commit suicide for losing hope in life. At the last moment, I remembered the people who are still there waiting for me. I felt like this is not the end of the world, this is just a small test and If I fail in this, what happens to the purpose of my life? I can help the people who suffered these consequences like me. It’s time for me to stand up and do something that nobody has ever done.
I was blacked out toward my goal. My expertise lies in coding and problem-solving. This is not it. I loved to write, teach, read, research in my childhood. Why can’t I start again? I love Photography, I love to talk in front of people. I was the top 1 student in debate throughout my schooling days from 1st to 10th class. What if I try to think like a 3-year-old boy? These questions I asked myself and to answer them, my mom supported me. She has been there for me forever.
I took a month to recover. It was like a holiday for me. The whole month I just let my emotions to govern me. As the days passed, my inner self didn’t let me be ruled. It gave me the control back to change my lifestyle. I just started writing, reading a lot of articles. Started #100DaysOfRead in social media. Learned Digital Minimalism. I decided to make small routine changes that helped me to become who I am now.
I started to meditate, read, write, exercise, walk every day. I started with writing my journal and listing out the tasks I have and I did throughout my day. At the end of the day, I listed 3 happy things that I encountered on that day. I appreciated the change that is happening in me. This gave me immense confidence to decide my future. I started to be mindful.
Still, now, I write a minimum of 1000 words a day and other activities I mentioned. All these things have become a habit for me. Almost 24 hours a day I keep myself busy by feeding my brain those thoughts that I love. Now, I dream about Physics and AI. I list out ideas in my notebook. I publish an idea every day as #100DaysOfIdeas.
All these activities cannot make me rich or famous. I am doing all these things myself. My goal is to bring change in human lives and help them to live life at its fullest rather than only survival.
For 2020, I resolve that at least I continue to write 1000 words per day on average and I want to complete my first book. Publishing 200 articles is not an insane target either. Important resolution is, I would like to learn Photography by traveling around. I would like to move my ass to different places by exploring all of the people and their culture. Earning money is an important part but not more than reinventing myself.
Life is not at all an easy ride. There are bumps and straight roads. To become a master of the game of life, we need to adapt stoicism. Let’s talk to ourselves every day and there is no other person who can back you except you. Just remember you are not alone, there is one more person always waiting for you, i.e. the other you in you (Subconscious). The subjective version of yourself always there for you. It all does the hard work behind you for you. So, love yourself and share that love with the world.
This is the part where I say that 2020 will be the legacy of 2019. I would like to continue the same habits that I have developed this year. I would like to conclude my letter to 2019 by saying, “May we meet again, buddy!”
Kindness, Compassion, Humility, Positive Disintegration, Health, Knowledge, Creativity and Focus are the nine aspects of our life which has the purpose that differentiate humans from all the species.
